On Conscience talking

“An instructed conscience rarely makes mistakes."

- Charlotte Mason 

Since this is my open journal, I'm going to write something my son said today. 

It was about lunch time, my 10yo daughter had done all her language arts- Bible reading and journal entry, Latin, English & Spelling, and my 14yo had only played violin, fed his magpies a few times, stared at the pouring rain, did some work in his grammar of poetry and had read Dr. Suess' poem- 'Cat in the Hat'. 

I know boys and girls are totally different, I get that, but still...

...I was beginning to freak out a little, because I am struggling to get him to do anything. 

During spelling, he made a mistake and walked out of the room. I just let him go. Before we started spelling, I remembered that I was making myself a cup of English breakfast tea, so I headed back out to the kitchen, and there was my son, telling himself to be quite.

I was like, what are you doing?

He looked at me with a very charming smile and stated that when he was in his room, his conscience told him to get back to the school room. 

I just smiled at him, and thanked God, and then just hoped and prayed that he listens to his conscience. What else can you do?

Then somebody posted this you tube clip on facebook, and I just thought, how ironic. 

Please tell me you have days where you are struggling to get your child into action...

What do you do with those days?

We are experiencing a lot of these days, and at times I am struggling to not be anxious about it.

I must say though, I am thankful that his conscience is loud and clear, that he knows what he should be doing, that he knows right and wrong. In the end having knowledge of right and wrong is better than academics. Don't you think? 

Listening to your conscience and not suppressing it, is another step. 

On Character building

Last night at church I met a wonderful lady; she was the guest speaker to talk about Kairos prison ministry. 

We connected straight away, and at the end of the service this lady came over to me and said, 'I have just been having a lovely conservation with your son, and I also am a home educator, and I just want to encourage you to keep on keeping on, as it's all about teaching character, and in the end that is what is most important'. 

What adjectives can I use to describe my heart and soul at those uplifting words?

- Uplifted
- Blessed
- Raised

The encouragement was simple, but for me it was like someone just coming along and picking me up again. 

This lady doesn't know what hardships I'm enduring with a certain 14yo, and how I am daily struggling to just not turn into a yelling, screaming arguing monster. 

Building character is the most difficult and trying thing to do as a parent, and I know that millions have gone before me, but sometimes I still feel so alone.

I know that God is the character builder, He is the potter and I am clay, and He is the one who shapes and moulds our lives, so we show His very attributes; His nature; His character. 

It's the constant battle between right and wrong. I know that arguing is wrong, that yelling is wrong, but I still do it at times because I am flawed, because my character is still being developed. 

I'm being taught to be humble and always apologise to my kids when I have messed up.

Miss Mason said 'More than upon anything else, future character and conduct depend'. More than anything! 

So those words 'keep on keeping on' are echoing in my spirit today as a gentle reminder to hold strong, even though I am weak, to hold my tongue, even when I want to vomit wrong words, to keep walking in love, even though I want to run away. 

Today is all we have, and today I have the greatest teacher with me, guiding each step, who recently told me 'I don't own my children', they belong to Him.